I miss making art. Not making art makes me feel lost. I have lost my art soul and I don’t know how to find it again. Art used to make me feel something, I used to channel my feelings into my art. I used to spend every second of free time painting and sketching.
Now, I try to draw or paint, but it doesn’t feel right. I miss being an artist but I don’t know how to be an artist again. I want to make art that I care about again. I miss making art with people in an art studio, I miss being surrounded by art people, I miss myself. I miss feeling the art, I miss the creative flow state and I don’t know how to get it back.
I’m trying – I try to draw almost every day, but it doesn’t feel right. I made myself draw a self-portrait every night at 8pm for 2 months. I laid out all my art supplies on my desk so I can easily begin creating when the feeling arises. Yet I’m still stuck in the rut. I need to find my art to find myself and feel right. I don’t feel right without my art.
Normally when I’m uninspired, I go to museums or figure drawing sessions at my local art center (neither of which I am able to do right now), or I go on walks and photograph things that interest me. And I write. I have notebooks full of writing, I have photographs of trees and buildings, but I am still uninspired. Maybe I need to put less pressure on myself to make “good” art. Maybe I need to let go and stop trying to force myself to find my art right now. I suppose getting out of an art rut is a process. It really sucks being so artistically uninspired, but maybe it’s okay to let go of the idea of needing to make something “good” and focus simply on creating something.
And at least I am drawing, even though the drawings are sloppy and rushed, maybe that’s okay. I will make what I can and see what happens. I suppose most people go through ruts of some sort, whether it’s writer’s block or artist’s block or another obstacle. Maybe I need to stop fighting with the rut and just embrace my lack of ideas and just make bad, ugly art since that is all I can make right now.
I think I need to accept my art rut and commit to it, stay in it, see what happens, let go of any idea of who I am as an artist and simply make whatever I want to make.
My sketchbook:
Annika Marthinuss 